Roast Scraps
by chibinecco
Summary: Iruka wants information, and Pakkun is the only one who has it. Rated T for cracktastic gift ideas.


Author's Note: Reward fic to Vescas (on lj) for guessing the right answer to what was really going on in Broken Road. Enjoy the Iruka and Pakkun .

* * *

Iruka shut the door with his foot as he entered the house, his arms filled with groceries. "Kakashi? You home?" He called to the room at large. 

A snuffling grunt near his feet met his reply. "He's not here." The small pug gruffed without ceremony, "Where's my steak?"

Iruka groaned giving Pakkun an 'accidental' shove to the side with his foot. The dog yelped scurrying after the chuunin as he headed for the kitchen to set down the bags.

"Where's my steak?" Pakkun hopped up to a chair, his paws on the table as Iruka began putting things away.

"Tell me first." Iruka said, pushing Pakkun's paws from the tabletop.

Pakkun huffed. "Show me the steak."

Iruka paused long enough to glare. "I got you biscuits." He continued putting things in the pantry, lifting the frying pan out of the way.

"Show me the steak." Pakkun said again, ignoring the offer of biscuits.

Iruka sighed, defeated as he pulled the meat out from the bottom of one of the bags. "Do I have to cook it? Now tell me."

Pakkun jumped to the floor, padding over to his food bowl. "Twenty-Three. Raw's fine." He looked up expectantly tongue lolling out.

"Twenty-Three? But that's the one…" Iruka trailed off as he dropped the roast scraps into the dish.

"With the brunet school teacher with the ponytail. I know." Pakkun finished for him, taking a hearty bite. "Why do you always get the cheap stuff? I should start asking for better."

"It's the good cheap stuff." Iruka dodged getting back to his bags as his mind wandered, and he considered. "How am I supposed to work with that?"

"Drag him off to your classroom or something." Pakkun said around a mouthful of meat.

"What about his second?" Iruka asked folding the bags and putting them away in the pantry. Paper bags could always be reused for something.

"Gay mermen couple. Stick with the schoolteacher. It at least makes sense." Pakkun said, wolfing down several more bites.

Iruka sat down, scratching his head in frustration. "But… we've already _done_ everything in twenty-three…"

"Then figure out a way to grow fins. And it's _really_ weird… Probably be easier to go with number three." Pakkun sat back enjoying his meal before finishing the last few bites.

"What's number three?" Iruka asked with mild despair at what the answer might be.

"That mass orgy one." Pakkun said bluntly.

Iruka flinched, returning to scrutinizing the counter top. "Back to twenty-three." He sighed.

"You know the teacher _is_ female… I'm sure you could learn that jutsu of Naruto's…" Iruka glared at that suggestion. Pakkun just laughed at him his barks sounding eerily human.

Iruka sighed, resting his head forward on the table, his hands retreating to his lap. "Now I have _no_ idea what to get him."

Pakkun snuffed eating the last bites of his food before hopping up to join Iruka at the table. "You could write one of your own."

Iruka stared at the dog wide eyed.

"Or not." Pakkun said quickly. The summon didn't want to risk his chances of being allowed to sleep inside tonight. It was supposed to rain, according to his nose.

The chuunin dashed around the table tossing the pug up into the air before kissing his wrinkled head. Pakkun yelped, squirming until he was released to the floor. "Pakkun, you're a genius. I'm buying you steaks for dinner all this week."

"Get me the good stuff." The dog barked happily, prodding before Iruka's mood soured when he realized how difficult it would be to write a whole book before it was time to give said book to Kakashi.

Iruka smirked, seeing through the dog's efforts instantly. "I'll get you the same thing you always get."

Pakkun grouched but decided not to complain too loudly. He was still getting real meat, even if it wasn't 'the good stuff.'

Iruka grinned feeling no worry about getting his story done in time. Kakashi had to be the hardest person to shop for he'd ever met. It definitely helped to have an inside 'man' to tell you which Icha Icha books smelled the strongest when you wanted to give the brat what he liked to read best while away on missions.

Now all Iruka had left to do was figure out how to combine the concepts of orgies, ponytailed schoolteachers, and gay mermen before Christmas rolled around.


End file.
